Hi Ice Bear:
Most people are addicted to their drama and the endorphins and self-righteous rush that's possible. Those are all transient and draining in the end.
How to get it... just do the work, start with reading more and this forum and then tell me what you learn.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. If you are not prepared to put in the work it is very unlikely you will achieve H/A.