INVISIBLE GURU FORUM

When I was a kid I remember that my grandmother gave me a bracelet that it said "Truth shall make you free". At that age I thought " Well, that's true, because if I lie I get in trouble". Then I realized that the phrase had a deeper meaning. In the beginning I thought that there was an "objective" truth out there, that it must be on some kind of scripture, like the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the Qoran, etc, etc. But I wasn't sure about it. I remember my father telling me about the stories in the bible, for example in the flood, he said that how did Noah do to put all the animals in a giant boat? There must be some kind of technology he knew to put the embryos of the animals with the help maybe of Extraterrestrials beings, that could be the Angels that he saw, etc.... Lol

And because I had a big imagination I liked that. Another thing I remember is that he told me (my grandfather was a pastor in an Adventist Church), that "we" dont put images of Jesus on the cross like Catholics, because the Bible says "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below." Now I understand the deeper meaning of that phrase, it took me 47 years to know it Lol...  So, I had the Bible was that "objective" truth, but of course there were a lot of things in it that they were weird to me.
One day my father died, I was like 16 years old. So, I think that my reaction was to read the Bible searching for a reason, for a purpose in being alive. I don't know. But I remember that I went to my bedroom and I stayed there for a long time and I read the whole new testament. There were things that Jesus said that resonated so much to me. But others were like weird.
I was like "I never heard someone talking like that". And the thing that most impacted me was that he talked like some kind of authority, very sure of what he was saying. "Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

That confused me, because it seemed to me that Christianity was the only way to God. And I was interested too in Buddhism, and other religions. So, I always had that thorn inside me telling me "what if Jesus is the only way?" I began to think that it was me that it must be wrong, that I couldn't see the truth. So one day I decided that I wanted to know that I was "saved". They told me that you have to have the mark of the holy spirit... what was that??? hehehehe... Oh my god.... So I prayed, that's the only thing I knew, I prayed to God, I asked him to show me that mark of the holy spirit so I could know that I was saved. (I was nuts, I know... )

Then, it happens the most marvelous think it have ever happened in my life (until I have enlightenment, I think... ) An Epiphany. I was full of love, a love that was not selfish, I was loving all the people that was around me at that moment. And I saw we were all connected. The world and me were alive, I saw the earth like breathing and there was life in everything, even rocks, buildings, everything... trees, etc...

Then it faded... but I become sure that Jesus was the only way. Because of my beliefs and I began to go to church, etc. And I almost become a Bible Thumper Lol...

To make it short, I continue not being happy. I didn't find happiness that way. Things were going bad, i was having problems with money, problems in my work, problems in everything and I become deeply depressed. So depressed that I had a psychotic episode. I couldn't control my thoughts and I had to escape from that "terrible" reality and I ended in a psychiatric hospital. That happened like 4 years ago. Now I am changed.
:-)

So I decided that I was going to stop everything, no more religion and BS. I decided that I was going to be a good father and husband, try to improve my $$$$ problems getting a  good job and forget it all.
So I began to read about self actualization and self help. And I found about enlightenment. So I began to think, what if enlightenment is the same as the Salvation Jesus was talking about?

So I began to read about it, I found Jed's books, I read Zen Books, I found Alan Watts, Nissagardatta, Ramana, I begin to listen to Mooji on Youtube, then Adyashanti and others. Non dual teachings and I understood that Jesus was an enlightened guy, who was so identified with reality that he said "Me and the Father are one". Then it made sense that he said that he was the only way. Because he was it. Now I got it.

So that was my first little "liberation". And now I am discovering a lot of hidden truth in Christianity that is mostly on the Mystic Christians, that is hidden, no one on the church teach that. Like the texts from "The cloud of Unknowing", the books of Meister Eckhart, John of the Cross, Ignatius of Loyola and his Spiritual exercises, etc...

Now I am mixing a lot of Christian elements with Buddhist, seeing the similarities between them and trying to find that truth that "shall make me free"...

thanks Jed for this thread.
:-)