Dear Members, Lurkers and Devotional Bliss-bunnies:
Have you ever wonder how far along the road to H/A you have come, or perhaps, looked at someone and wondered how far he or she is along the path to adulthood? Over too many years of study, observation and experience, I have found that there is one very consistent indicator.
Drama is all about not getting what one wants... about frustration, loss, inadequacies, bad parents, kids in jail, just about any situation where someone doesn't get what they want, and even better, someone else gets it. Drama is based on shoulds, coulds, wouldn't, needs, wants, just about anything that goes against what is. What is is exactly what is and not amount of denying it has ever changed it.
Imagine this, you are struggling along in life and you next door neighbor comes charging in one day, glowing like a Cali grow op, and declares he has won the lottery, who hoo! Ecstatic in a Homer Simpson way... smiles from ear to ear.
Now...my question is how are you going to feel? All shoulds and shouldn't aside, how would you react? Your actual response is an excellent measure of how adult you are.
Imagine you turn on CNN and announcer has gone all Jim Carrey on the TV audience. ''Evening folks, well... not much happened today, mostly same old same old, pretty much like yesterday, Yeh, another hurricane, but same as the first.... oh.. it seems that Bob and Better Sturnholme in Eugene, Oregon had a new grandchild, a little boy... congrats to the fam... so... that's about it. I'll probably be here tomorrow, but don't expect anything exciting. See ya then. Love ya."
Then you turn to your favorite soap, As the Stomach Turns. This is the first new season episode and finds Laura and Nancy talking over a coffee. Nancy is totally heads over heals for Jason, a real hunk. Laura says, ''Well, why don't you just come out and ask him to marry you''. Nancy says, "You think I could do that?''. ''Well, worst he could say is no''.
Nancy plucks up the courage and asks Jason. He says ''Yes''... they get married and end up deliriously happy into their golden years. Of course the soap is promptly canned and the writer fired.
But drama doesn't work like that. In the dramatic version, Nancy asks Jason and he says he is in love with Laura and won't marry her. Of course Laura is gay and in love with Nancy and delighted with Jame's rejection of the proposal. Laura is not going to get what she wants because Nancy is as straight as an arrow. End of episode.
Life is more like this than not for most people. Folks like watching TV and actually believe it... spend hours each day watching soaps and the like. Maybe it's forums or blogs, the kinds that foment argument and demeaning posts ... and in doing so lift the observer and writer up to new heights of illusory self-esteem.
So, watch yourself and others. The draw to drama is a pretty good indicator of how adult you are. How you feel about your neighbor winning that lottery will tell you plenty about yourself if you listen.
What do you want but aren't getting? What do you want and it seems everyone but you is getting it? What do you not want yet is seems to be constantly turning up in your world? A better question would be, how do you know that you want or don't want something? What informs you of your preferences? Are you sure you want and don't want certain things?
Maybe take a moment and want exactly what you have in this moment. What law says you can't want what arises to you? What or who is the ultimate adjudicator of what is right or wrong? Is that little voice in your head even yours? Maybe it's a parent, an early school teacher, a minister, a friend you look up to.. I don't know. BUT, I don't listen to any voice that isn't MINE, which means there are very few voices going around in my head... and if it happens to say something, I listen closely.
So, where are you on your journey to H/A... and while on the topic, why even bother with H/A? I can answer for you (yeah, sheesh, I actually am that arrogant)... because you aren't happy. That sums it up, make up all the reasons you want, but that is what it boils down to... am I right? Come on, be honest, am I right? You read this far so somethings bothering you.
If you are still reading, let me offer you some (non-asked for) advice. Stop engaging in, watching, encouraging drama in your life. It's only going to give you a temporary rush, like that double chocolate fudge banana split sunday... in the end it will take years off your life and life out of your years. You haven't materialized in the dream to burn yourself out with misery and drama. You might be doing that right now though... have a look and see. What have you done lately that was like throwing gas on your drama campfire?
How far are you along the road to becoming an adult... it's right in front of you.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. I hope my friggin neighbor buys are quieter lawnmower with his lotto winnings so I can sleep in more. God meant me to sleep in, that's why I do it.