Hi Jed,
It’s been a long time since I’ve been lurking on the forum. Comments below this topic got my attention. I got urge to write here, but now that I’m doing it, nothing seems to come out.
For some time now, my reality has been kind of unreal. Everything appears as real, but somewhere on the backround I feel and in a way know that it isn’t happening. It’s difficult to explain. Couple months ago I slipped on mud and hurt my left wrist. It didn’t fracture but there was some tissue damage all over, so it got hurt pretty badly. I’d say that the state of my mind was the same before and after the accident, which I find interesting, not that it matters. There was just the reaction “oops” and “seems it got hurt badly, I have to go to the ER”. I told about my “unreaction” to my sister and she thought I was in a shock or something, but the state of my mind or the feeling just didn't change after it either. I don’t know why I explain this, I guess it was some sort of example of things appearing as real but not really happening.
For a while back I stopped, I guess I lost my “what’s next”-gene. I lost interest on thinking about stuff, I knew it didn’t lead anywhere and were just bs anyway. All of this feels like it’s happening in this consciousness and that’s all. I’m aware of things in the future, but they don’t feel real and are just like tiny dots in my consciousness. I don’t feel past as real at all. I forget very fast stuff that has “happened”. At times things feel more real, but yet on the backround there's a humming that tells me nothing is happening.
I guess this was some sort of attempt to explain the movie I’m at.
Love,
Kati